(intro and question itself)

(MG '7x wank think music plays)

DJ Hamilton: Get ready to match the stars...

(flip thingy begins to flip)

...Randy Amasia...

(Randy holds up card with his drawing of the "WHEW!" logo)

Net Price is Right, Jay Lewis...

(Jay holds up price tag with NPiR logo from the "Most Expensive" game)

Rock & Roll Net Bumper Stumpers, John Fenner...

(John holds up R&R NBS plate reading JONPHNR)

The Net Match Game - Hollywood Square Hour, Ryan Morris...

(Ryan holds up card with a tic-tac-toe game)

...Mandy Wall-Ferguson...

(Mandy holds up card reading "I love you, Pete")

...and from
Mind Benders, Tom Hornikel...

(Tom holds up card reading "Toil on Khmer" -- his name anagrammed, of course)

(flip thingy stops; NMG sign gradually lights up)

(This image is based on animation by Brian Sapinski, http://sonicwhammy.cjb.net.)

DJ: As we play the star-studded, big points Net Match Game.

(MG '7x theme plays; sign rises; audience applause; camera zooms into image inside of flip thingy)

And here's the host for Round 33 Question 1 of Net Match Game -- Doug Morris.

(doors open; more applause; Doug walks down the stairs, takes a bow, picks up a Rayburn-esque long stick microphone)




Doug: Thank you very much. Helloooooo everybody and welcome to Net Match Game. Happy to have you with us. Great to have our stars here including two people you regularly see on the
Net Match Game - Hollywood Squares Hour, Ryan Morris and Jay Lewis. (audience cheers)

John: Hey, Doug?

Doug: Yes, John.

John: Aren't you going to kiss the newcomer down there?

Doug: Oh Mandy? Eh, better not. She got married not too long ago and Lucky Pierre wouldn't like that idea. Right, Man?

Mandy: Yeah, better to be safe than sorry.

Doug: Hear ya. But, tell ya what, look into camera 2 and blow Pete a big kiss.

Mandy: (blows kiss to the camera) I love you Pete. (audience ahhhs)

Doug: How sweet. And Tom, got anything big going on in C-town?

Tom: Just selling a lot of wheels.

The Ghost of Jay Stewart: IT'S A BRAND NEW CAR! (audience laughs)

Tom: Does he do this to you on

Doug: Yup. Even
Net Bumper Stumpers. Anyway, we're gonna start out by playing the big-money Super Match. Please welcome our defending champ Jim Caldwell.

(Jim enters the set just like he did in '85-'86 on TTD; three people applaud, the rest of the crowd boos)

Doug: Gee, what a warm welcome. (audience laughs) Anyhoo, Jim just won the game as time ran out on the last show and picked up $100...

Jim: Yes, another $312,600 and I'll equal the record set by Lt. Thom McKee.

Doug: Uhhh, Jimbo, Thom wasn't a MG contestant.

Jim: I know.

Doug: Anyway, as I was saying, you have $100 in hand and you're about to play for up to $5000 in the head-to-head match. First, the audience match. We polled a recent studio audience and got there best response to this -- slide it, Earl...

(NOTE TO NMG PLAYERS: No, this is *not* a Super Match post! This is inserted for comedic purposes -- at least I hope it's comedic. Please do not respond to the Super Match question. Instead, please respond to the question toward the end of this post.

Also, yes, I know, the Caldwell run of TTD has been removed from the Game Show Network schedule. I'd written this script several months ago. Too late to change now. In any event, we now return to your regularly schedule program.)



(TPiR ding)

Doug: ...Trivia << BLANK >>. As you know, match the most popular answer to win $500. Next most popular pays $250. Number three answer is worth $100.

Jim: But what about the TIC and the TAC? (audience laughs)

Doug: Wrong show, pal. And don't even start with the red boxes and the dragon, OK? Now, pick three celebrities to help you out.

Jim: OK, I'll start with Mandy Arasia. (audience laughs)

Doug: Uhhhh, do you mean Randy Amasia or Mandy Wall-Ferguson?

Jim: (with deer in headlights looks) Uh, yeah.

Doug: (sigh) Before this goes downhill any further, Randy and Mandy, your thoughts please.

Randy: Well, Jim, I'm thinking of something you botched a lot on "Tic Tac Dough" -- trivia questions. (audience cheers)

Doug: OK, Mandy?

Mandy: What TTD was at least in part, a trivia game. (audience applauds)

Doug: All right, Jim, wanna pick one more?

Jim: Sure, let's go to your brother Ryan.

Doug: (sighing; Ryan shakes his head) For the bazillionth time, we're not related!! Anyway, Ryan, Trivia << BLANK >>

Ryan: Jim, *Justin's* my brother. He's our director on
NMG-HSH. And second, we're hosting a party next weekend -- where we'll be playing Trivial Pursuit. (audience applauds)

Doug: OK, Jim, there's three. Trivia questions, trivia game and Trivial Pursuit. You can pick any of those or reject them all and go on your own.

Jim: I'm going for my first instinct. Wasn't something they thought of.

Doug: Oh, what's that?

Jim: Trivia Dare -- one of the special categories from...

Doug: Yeah yeah, we get the idea. Anyway, let's see if Trivia Dare is on the board and if so, where. Let's start at the bottom and reveal the $100 response.




(TPiR ding)

Doug: Trivial Pursuit. There's Ryan's idea. Still looking for Trivia Dare, is it under the $250 number?





(TPiR ding)

Doug: Trivia Question. There was Randy's answer. Last chance for a Trivia Dare. Slide that big kahuna, Earl.






(buzz; audience groans)

Doug: Trivia Trap. The short-lived game show with Bob Eubanks.

Jim: I don't remember that one.

Doug: You don't? Well, uhhh, I think Jay Lewis can refresh your memory.

Jay: I sure can, Doug.

(Jay pulls out a remote control device and pushes a button -- which opens Jim's trap door and sends Jim downward)


(audience cheers)

Doug: Oh well, so much for our champ. Dang, and I wanted him to win 300-grand-plus -- NOT! (audience laughs and applauds) Well, since our champ's reign ended so suddenly, we gotta look for new players and here's were *you* the net surfer come in. Yup, it's time to kickoff the 33rd round of NMG. First some words to the wise from the lovely DJ Hamilton.

(obvious edit)

(MG '7x ticket plug music)

Deborah JoAnn: Wanna play this question? To late, babe. But be sure to check out alt.tv.game-shows and the Net Games Yahoo! Groups mailing list the next time a NMG question's posted.

(obvious edit)

Doug: All righty then, lemme grab the question from this here toaster and we'll start the fun...

VBS Press is in the midst of publishing
the thinnest book ever made. It's entitled,
"The Net Match Game Guide
To America's Best << BLANK >>."

(MG '7x wank think music plays)

Click here for the results.